It’s tough shit getting dumped, so I hear. I’ve always implored the dump them before they dump you approach, it’ more productive.  Anyways, I’m in a café, and I witness the poor guy get dumped. This guy shows up alone, he’s about my age… late 20’s, with one lily he just bought from Whole Foods and  with a happy go-lucky disposition on his face, and proceeds to sit at the table next to me and wait while reading  the latest issue of The Green Lantern. An older Middle-Eastern lady eventually joins him shortly after. Actually I don’t register anything until moments later till I see this guy violent tearing up his lily and throwing the petals all over the floor. Without saying a word, the lady gets up and walks away! I’m like WTF! What just happened? Then I’m like oh’ this chump just got DUMPED. NO! He got dumped like a week ago, and was like “can’t we just talk.”  She was all like “No, it’s over!” And he was like , “just give me 5 minutes at this café?

I think he thought this lone lily was his ace in a hole to win her back. Chicks love flowers, right? Just one fucking lily! At least by a dozen, you asshole, no wonder she dumped your  dumb ass. Did I mention he showed up on a bike in the rain? This isn’t a problem in itself, if he didn’t look like such a stereotypical hipster. How did they even come to meet?

Anyways, after his childish display of rejection, she ran off to the bathroom without saying a word, my guess hoping he’d be gone when she came out. No such luck. And he went outside to sulk and think of his next smooth move, since his flower move was a  no go. He came back inside and just stared blankly at a poster like psychopath, till she dashed by him and through the front door making a B-line for her car. He proceed to run after her like they do in the movies, but there was to be no happy ending for this guy in the near future…without him paying for it, of course. I never saw them again, but it seemed like she had a possibly stalker situation on her hand. That’s what happens when you date a nice guy, they stalk your ass.. No wonder they always finish last.

Most house parties tend to be the old song and dance; you come, you drink, mingle, and then gracefully exit as nothing you’ve never seen before is really going on. This is what I thought was in store when I got a text from my friend, Carmon, to come out to the house party by Emory. He didn’t use any flashy adjectives to hype it so I kept the expectations low, actually I had no expectations! The plan was to make our rounds ( was with three other cats) at this party for a few minutes and then be on our merry way for late night pancakes.

We walked in, and I was sort of hit with a culture shock, as the scene was surreal. This  big l’ ass house was  wall to wall with an assortment of  characters; dancing hippie bitches, bearded dudes on bongos, dudes with guitars jamming, drum circles, a film crew, tantric  dancing circles, people dressed up as mythological creatures, open bar, a smorgasbord of food, and musk of cannabis in the air. It was like a page torn out from Burning Man. I once had a girlfriend who was adamant that we/ she go to the Burning Man. At the time I was very much put off by the idea going to a desert and gallivanting with a bunch of dirty hippies and druggie burnouts. It’s the same way I use to feel about go camping. I didn’t get it. I told someone once how I went camping and it was fucking horrible, and they were like “were you high or drinking.” NO! Well there you go! Somewhere in life someone convince me that that you don’t need drugs and substance to get high… “I get high on life”, they explained. This was a principle I tried to live by in my adult life, till I got high on drugs, and drugs hands down beat any high you can get on life!  Actually, if anyone tries to sell you on that ‘I get high on life bullshit’ judo chop them in throat like your Liam Nelson from Taken!

Anyways, I’m at this party trying to be present. I’m a lil tipsy, that helps, then I ran into my mate Camron, and he going on about “I’ll smoke you out, bro.” He gets the idea that we should go upstairs and do mushrooms. Why hell not! Not to mention the host of the party told me there is a concert going on up stairs to die for and that we need to go check it out! So done and done! We go up stairs, and it’s like next level of hippedom. People are laid out on beds chilling out, some making out, and others tripping out! The vibe is like an orgy is about to jump off! It looks like a deleted scene from Austin Powers! Anyways! Cam, sold us on the idea of going up stairs to do mushrooms. Well, how come this mother fuckers doesn’t even have mushrooms? So he pulls the old bait and switch for a bag of kush, which is a nice cancelation prize. Allot of the awesomeness is lost in my poor storytelling skills, but I guess this party went down as the best house party I ever been to in my life.

Atlanta’s MOST EPIC INDIE ELECTRO DANCE PARTY: Explodes in your face every first thursday of the month @ The Drunken Unicorn room of MJQ Concourse.  I don’t particularity like clubs, with the exception of MJQ. I try to always try to make it out to FUCK YESSS to hear the latest and finest in electro musik.